Rewarding children seems like a very positive parenting tool. Giving a reward to our kids when they follow our wishes is a powerful tool to get them to do what we want. But did you know that the more you reward your kids, the more they lose interest in the behaviour that you desired?

Studies show that kids whose parents reward them frequently tend to be not as kind as their peers. They have learned that good behavior is nothing more than a means to get a reward. When there is no reward, the good behavior stops.

Rewards shouldn’t be used too frequently and it isn’t always a good idea to reward kids. How can you stimulate good behavior without using rewards all the time?

Parents can offer guidance and help to support their kids` capacity to make responsible decisions. The best way to help your kids to become kind, responsible people is to clearly explain the effects of their actions and remind them of the positive choices they have.

Teaching social skills works a lot better than to simply reward children. Always think about why you are rewarding behavior. Is it to help your child or to make your life easier? We often reward kids as a means of control. But you do not want your child to grow up seeking rewards from others. You want your child to value their own ability to be kind. If you want your child to be mindful of you, simply ask him and be appreciative when he is being mindful.

That’s the difference between doing things to kids and working with kids. If you’re working with your kids you’ll get a different dynamic in your family that’s based on respect, not on control.

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