First of all, toddlers want to choose which foods they eat. This is an important part of building their identity. They want to be able to decide for themselves what they put into their body. And in itself, that is a really healthy natural instinct. Of course, parents are still responsible for providing a nutritious diet, but they do not have to expose kids to many new foods yet. Just like in other aspects of their lives, kids like predictability. So arguing with your kids about trying new foods, may really be an argument about identity. This can go on for years and even last through puberty. You’re not letting your kids get away with being disobedient. You’re allowing them to claim the right over their own body. Which is important in numerous ways.

Kids are more resistant to eating new foods before they have had a period in which they can decide for themselves what healthy food to eat. You certainly do not have to allow everything, but you can serve healthy foods that do not cause arguments. They get a say in what goes into their bodies. It’s important that children build a relationship with food that doesn’t revolve around conflict. Kids above eight often have a more relaxed attitude about new foods.

Second, Almost all young children do not eat a balanced diet every day. That isn’t a problem as long as they receive nutrition from all the food groups in the course of a week. Remember that children need a lot less food than adults do and that –depending on their physical development- they can have bigger or smaller appetites from time to time. As long as your child is growing, healthy and doesn’t get tired quickly, there’s probably no reason to worry.

Third, some new foods can be particularly challenging for kids. Especially foods that tickle the inside of the mouth like lettuce, rice and even candy like skittles. It’s a natural reflex to want to spit out stuff that feels like it’s moving around in your mouth. Also, kids taste buds are a lot more sensitive so spicy and salty foods can be a problem. And kids usually like more sweet foods because sugars provide an instant energy source.

Of course at some point you do want kids to try new foods. On average they refuse new foods about twelve times before actually tasting it. They need to feel comfortable with the fact that they have a say in what goes into their body and they need to get used to the idea of the new food. Just prepare it for yourself and offer it to them without any pressure. For example, if lettuce is on the menu once every two weeks and they don’t want to eat it, do not offer them another type of vegetable. They can easily get through a meal that doesn’t have a food group every now and then. They get to choose not to eat something if they do not want to, but they do not get to control what the entire family should eat.

I want to strongly discourage using any type of reward or punishment in combination with food, because it may be related to eating disorders. You want food to be related to living a normal healthy lifestyle, not to managing feelings of self-esteem. I’m also cautious when kids receive toys with their food. Of course, you can present new food in a more attractive way. My younger brother refused all vegetables until I renamed green beans ‘green fries’.

My best advice when introducing new foods is to be patient. If kids aren’t ready to try a new food yet, do not force them. Just model the right behavior and give them the option of trying something new regularly. Allowing kids to help prepare foods is also a good way or familiarizing them with new ingredients.

1. Pretend play. Go to a forest and play games where you have to crouch down, sneak around, climb over branches, jump over fallen logs and run across fields. I guarantee you’ll get a good exercise while experiencing a wonderful adventure with your kids. Truly, exploring a forest with your parents can be more fun than going to Disney world.

2. Play soccer. Let your kids kick the ball while you do most of the running. It’s great fun and a lot more interesting than running on a treadmill. If you don’t like soccer, frisbee and volleyball are always an option. Indoors you can use a balloon.

3. Swimming. Find out if there is an indoor pool in your area. Swimming exercises every muscle with little chance of injuries. It’s always a good idea to have your kids practice swimming on a regular basis.

4. Biking. Grab a bike instead of taking the car. Get your exercise while teaching your kids about traffic. You can save a little money on fuel and be kind to your environment as an added bonus.

5. Computer games. If you are planning to buy a game console for your kids. I’d choose the Nintendo wii. Almost every game exercises the body. There are games that are physically challenging for adults too and you can play fitness games inside your house. But what I like most about the wii is that they have fewer aggressive games than most other game consoles.

If you incorporate just a few of these fitness games into your routine, you’ll get all the exercise you need while spending quality time with your kids and saving money on an expensive gym membership while you’re at it. Most importantly, you will teach your kids the value of exercise. They don’t see you working out while you’re at the gym. So be creative! Add your ideas about exercising with your kids below.

First of all. Do NOT put your kid on a diet unless it is prescribed by a professional. In general diets are not the answer to obesity. They will not change kids eating behavior in the long run. In fact, eating too little can be just as harmful as overeating because it messes up your child’s natural instinct that tells him when he’s hungry. When your kid is on a diet the body slows down its metabolism making weight loss even harder.

Going on a diet or overeating are both abnormal ways of dealing with food. Instead, you want your child to maintain a normal eating pattern. This simply means that he does not eat too little or too much according to his age. Over time the weight will return to normal. Children who are overweight generally do not have to lose weight, because they are still growing. They simply have to maintain their weight until it is age appropriate.

Choosing a normal eating pattern is not a quick fix. It will take a lot of time for kids who are obese to attain their appropriate weight. But it does teach your child about having a normal relationship with food. And that is something he’s going to need for the rest of his life. Accepting the fact that there is no quick way to solve obesity is very helpful.

Maintaining a normal eating pattern is something the entire family should do. No one is singled out if the whole family leads by example. It is also a lot easier to maintain a normal eating pattern if everyone does it. And if your child is structurally eating the right amounts of healthy food, having a treat every now and then isn’t such a problem.

Kids eating behavior can also be improved by choosing healthy foods. That doesn’t mean a child may never have unhealthy food ever again. It just means that your kid is structurally eating the right kinds of food. Finally, exercise is an important part of attaining a normal weight. Again, this shouldn’t be a strict regime. Just incorporate fun exercises (like soccer) into your kids daily routine.

So here are the amounts of food that constitute a normal eating pattern.

1 -3 years old
Vegetables: 50-100 grams
Fruit: 150 grams
Bread: 70 -105 grams
Potatoes or rice: 50 – 100 grams
Milk(products): 300 ml
Cheese: 10 grams
Meat: 60 grams
Butter: 10-15 grams
Drinks: ¾ liter

4-8 years old
Vegetables: 100-150 grams
Fruit: 150 grams
Bread: 105-140 grams
Potatoes or rice: 100-150 grams
Milk(products): 400 ml
Cheese: 10 grams
Meat: 60-80 grams
Butter: 15-20 grams
Drinks: 1 liter

9-13 years old
Vegetables: 150-200 grams
Fruit: 200 grams
Bread: 140-175 grams
Potatoes or rice: 150-200 grams
Milk(products): 600 ml
Cheese: 20 grams
Meat: 80-100 grams
Butter: 20-25 grams
Drinks: 1-1½ liter

14-18 years old
Vegetables: 200 grams
Fruit: 200 grams
Bread: 210-245 grams
Potatoes or rice: 200-250 grams
Milk(products): 600 ml
Cheese: 20 grams
Meat: 100-125 grams
Butter: 30-35 grams
Drinks: 1-1½ liter

I believe parents should talk to children about drugs from the age of eight. That is the age at which more and more children are confronted with drugs. The reality is that drugs are entering the school grounds. Drug pushers try to hook kids on hard drugs creating an instant addiction. These kids are then forced to introduce it to their peers. First of all, parents and schools should work together in keeping drugs out of schools. Second, we need to talk to kids about drugs.

Why not avoid the subject of drugs altogether?
Research shows that children who are uneducated about drugs, run a higher risk of becoming addicted. So when you talk about drugs with children, you are actually helping them take a stand.

How do you talk about drugs?
When you talk about drugs, remember that kids are a lot smarter than we often give them credit for. When given the right information they often make the right decision on their own. If you just tell them what they should believe, they are more likely to change their opinion without telling you. Whatever happens, keeping the conversation going so you know what is going on in your child’s life is most important. So try not to turn a talk about drugs into a lecture. Simply give the fact and then have a discussion about it.

Some important tips when talking about drugs with kids.
Children eight to twelve often have a very rigid view of right and wrong. So they can easily adopt the view that drugs are bad altogether. Be sure to show them what they are saying no to. When asked a lot of children know that drugs are bad, but do not know what they look like.

Children above twelve develop a more sophisticated view of drugs. You won’t be able to get away with the slogan ‘just say no’. Instead, be real about why some people find drugs attractive. When you talk about the lure and downsides of drugs, you create a believable story. Also talk about peer pressure. The important thing is to ask for your child’s opinion instead of telling him what to think. Almost everybody will be confronted with drugs at some point in their lives. And when it happens, it isn’t likely you will be around to tell your kid what to think. They need to make up their own mind long before they are confronted with drugs.

I don’t know anything about drugs.
If you do not know much about drugs you can find information on the internet. Even of you do know about drugs it is important to learn about new developments. For instance, in the seventies weed was considered a soft drug. Today there are types of weed that are just as addictive as cocaine.

For more information on drugs visit the following website:
http://www.usdoj.gov/dea/concern/concern.htm

Not quite. Children actually learn many times more during play, then they do in school. The major difference between learning in school and playing is that in school kids have to learn what we think is important, while during play they get to follow their own interest. A teacher has to asses what is appropriate for a child to learn and what he or she will be able to understand, while children just naturally know.

And playing is not random either. Have you ever seen a child building and toppling a tower of blocks? By seeing what happens when the tower topples over, he’s learning about gravity. He keeps building the tower over and over until he’s can finally predict what will happen when he topples the tower. When that insight is achieved he moves on to something new to learn. That’s why a lot of teachers do not just try to teach kids according to their own agenda, but instead provide a rich environment in which they will naturally learn what they need to know. For the most part learning is not something that is done to children, but something kids actively pursue themselves by playing. Children learn all day every day.

A very important type of play is social play. When kids play with peers they develop:

- Sharing skills.
- Kindness.
- Compassion.
- Empathy.
- Acceptance of differences.
- Including others instead of exclusion.
- Increased attention span.
- Attachment to humans versus objects.
- The ability to apologize.
- Better self-esteem.
- Assertiveness.
- The ability to settle an argument.
- A strong sense of self.
- Better academic achievements.
- Basic trust.
- Solution focused thinking skills.
- The ability to say ‘no’.
- Patience.
- The ability to accept criticism.
- Personal opinions.
- Role taking skills.
- The ability to ask a clear question.
- Theory of mind.
- A more stable positive mood.
- Frustration handling skills.

These are just some of the benefits that start during childhood. During adulthood we can add ‘finding a life partner, sustaining a meaningful relationship, finding (and keeping) a job and parenting’ to the list.

That’s thirty off the top of my head reasons why social play is important. They are directly tied to the things we value most in our lives and it is something children can only learn when playing with others.

There are many stressful situations such as going to school for the first time, being afraid of the dark, have to share with others and wondering if they will ever get that toy back. They may seem like small things to adults now, but when we were kids ourselves, we certainly didn’t think so! So why do kids seem to be less troubled by stress than adults?

Kids are more positive than adults for two reasons:

First, they have not developed as many preferences as adults have. Kids simply haven’t had the life experience needed to come to all of their preferences. Adults generally know exactly what they want and we expect to get it. When things go different than we would have liked, we get cranky.

Second, kids –especially young kids- have trouble making clear distinctions between past, present and future. They generally do not worry as much about bad things that have happened or bad things that may (or may not) happen in the future. Of course there are exceptions but usually children live in the now.

So what can we learn from positive kids? Most of all we can learn to just lighten up and seize the day. If the things you want are making you feel miserable, maybe you shouldn’t want them so much. Or if you truly do want them, you can be excited about the prospects and possibilities instead of worried that it is not going to come.

Kids naturally value that being positive NOW is extremely important. Because if you are not happy now, then when? There is really no logical reason to worry about the past when you know the moment has passed and you will never be able to change it. And fretting about what may happen in the future does not change it either. You can certainly take your responsibility by making plans, but it just doesn’t make any sense to be miserable now for something that may or may not happen in another moment.

Generally we spend a lot more time worrying about the future than is strictly necessary to come up with a responsible plan. Let’s not forget that this moment is important also. Kids grow up fast and they might not always be the easy going delightful little creatures that you have come to love.

So now that we have learned so much from our kids, what will we teach them about responsibility? We can teach them to spend the majority of their attention on worrisome things that cause stress and may never happen, or we can allow them to enjoy every moment and focus mostly on the possibilities that their life has to offer.

Please share with us what you think about this article and what you have learned from watching your children.

At first, the notion that there is so much over which you have little control may seem scary. But it has been so for just about anybody since the beginning of time. And those children that have been sheltered form the great variety that life has to offer, can never truly be themselves. And isn’t that why we have kids in the first place? To allow them to be all they can be? We do not want to create exact copies of who we are. They must have their own experiences and learn to make up their own minds.

Many child experts believe that the influence of friends on child development is greater than the influence that parents have. Kids have to play with children their own age. How do we know that playing with peers is so important?

There are thousands of things kids have to learn during development. And a lot of them are tied to peers who are learning the same things. So watching peers learn helps a child to gain greater understanding. While it is true that parents are also important role models, it is also true that they are a lot further along their developmental journey. Parents simply cannot teach everything a child needs to know.

Psychiatrist M. J. Cladder states that psychiatric problems are often connected to a lack of friendship with peers during childhood. And not so much with ‘bad parenting’ as we are often led to believe. This is why I believe all kids have to make friends.

Studies show that kids whose parents reward them frequently tend to be not as kind as their peers. They have learned that good behavior is nothing more than a means to get a reward. When there is no reward, the good behavior stops.

Rewards shouldn’t be used too frequently and it isn’t always a good idea to reward kids. How can you stimulate good behavior without using rewards all the time?

Parents can offer guidance and help to support their kids` capacity to make responsible decisions. The best way to help your kids to become kind, responsible people is to clearly explain the effects of their actions and remind them of the positive choices they have.

Teaching social skills works a lot better than to simply reward children. Always think about why you are rewarding behavior. Is it to help your child or to make your life easier? We often reward kids as a means of control. But you do not want your child to grow up seeking rewards from others. You want your child to value their own ability to be kind. If you want your child to be mindful of you, simply ask him and be appreciative when he is being mindful.

That’s the difference between doing things to kids and working with kids. If you’re working with your kids you’ll get a different dynamic in your family that’s based on respect, not on control.

First of all. Everybody tells lies. On psychological tests, the people who state they never lie, are usually regarded as the most untrustworthy. Luckily, telling a lie isn’t as bad as we make it out to be. We often tell lies just to be polite. For instance. The day before your best friends wedding, she shows up at your door with a terrible haircut that no barber is going to be able to fix. “Don’t you love it?” She yells out excited. You will probably lie which would be the kind thing to do.

We all lie once in a while and kids are no different. In fact, children with higher IQ scores tell lies more frequently and they can express their imagination by telling a lie. We need to be real about the fact that lying is a necessary part of social interaction. But we don’t want our children to turn lying into a habit.

As a general rule you don’t need to worry about lying kids before they are six or seven years of age. It is possible for children to not tell the truth when they are younger than six, but that’s because they have a hard time telling truth from fiction. So when your kid tells an imaginary story of how your neighbour tried to steal your lawnmower. It’s best not to make a big thing out of it. Children under six use imagination to process their thoughts. They make no clear distinction between fantasy and reality.

Children as young as two years old, lie when there is an immediate positive response. For instance, when you ask your two year old if he needs to go to the toilet and you don’t take them anyway when they say no. The reward could be that they can continue playing without having to go to the toilet. They aren’t consciously lying. They’re just repeating the behaviour that is being rewarded.

Children above seven tell lies to get friends out of trouble. Sticking up for your mates is an important part of social development. During puberty kids must learn to make better choices between lying and telling the truth.

In general lying is not a big issue. There are exceptions. Children should not have to keep big secrets about adult themes. If lying is related to stress, you want to have a talk about the stressful situation. Finally, lying can be a way to escape reality. It’s fine when this happens once in a while but it shouldn’t be a structural way to avoid situations a kid cannot handle. It’s usually better not to focus to much on the lying itself. Instead teach skills that will help your child handle the situation better and check if the situation isn’t simply to challenging.

Also, it’s better to focus on the value of honesty than to confront lying. If you do want to confront a child that told a lie, tell him how much you would like it if he were truthful and really appreciate them when they are being truthful! Humans lie to avoid negative consequences. Confronting lying kids in a negative way is a sure way to stimulate more lying.

Lying can be related to psychological problems. So when in doubt, it’s best to visit your house doctor.

- The medical term for bedwetting is enuresis (pronounce: en-yoo-ree-sus).
- Children do not wet the bed on purpose. It’s not a behavioural problem.

Let’s start with the good news. Almost all children who wet the bed eventually stop. Learning to control your bladder takes time. So wetting the bed isn’t even an issue before the age of six. It’s a normal part of child development and parents can not do anything to speed up this process.

It’s hard to tell what exactly causes bed-wetting. It’s usually a combination of factors. Here are some of the factors researchers found:

- Wetting the bed runs in the family.
- Children who wet the bed are often very heavy sleepers.
- Stress.
- A small bladder.

Bed-wetting may also be caused by a medical problem. If your child is wetting the bed above the age of six, it is probably a good idea to see your house doctor. Some of the most common medical reasons for wetting the bed are.

- Urinary tract infections.
- Problems with the urethral valves in boys or in the ureter in girls or boys.
- Problems with the spinal cord.
- Problems with hormones.
- Slower than normal development of the central nervous system.

There are a lot of different treatments for bed-wetting. It’s always a good idea to discuss these with your doctor. Here are some of your options.

- Limit the amount of fluids your child drinks after diner. You still need to make sure he of she drinks enough during the day.
- Bladder training: Let your child practice holding his or her urine for longer times during the day. This can stretch the bladder so it can hold more urine during the night.
- An alarm system that goes of when your child starts wetting the bed. It helps children become more aware of bladder sensations.
- A reward system for dry nights.
- Having children take more responsibility by changing the bed sheets themselves.

When your child changes the bed sheets himself, the brain starts to associate wetting the bed with having to change the bed sheets at a subconscious level. Never use ‘changing the bed sheets’ as a punishment. Children have no conscious control over wetting the bed. If you use a reward system for dry nights, also make sure you appreciate your child just for being himself. Make sure that your child understands that he or she is always good enough and loved as a person. And that the reward is only about the behavior of not wetting the bed. These are some of the things parents can do.

MOST IMPORTANT
The most important thing any parent can do is to remember to give your child room to vent frustration and talk about shameful feelings if they want to. And to instill the message that they are always worthy and that you do not see them as lazy or untidy. It is much more important that your child feel good about himself than trying to change wetting the bed. Bed-wetting usually goes away but your child’s self-esteem stays for a lifetime and greatly influences the quality of his life. Let’s not lose track of what is really important. You can find more information about allowing your child to talk about feelings and building self-esteem in our ‘Sam and Bear Make Friends’ parents guide. You may comment on this parenting advice below.